Thoughts of Yesterday, What Was to Be, Part 3

Our first few years of marriage were the honeymoon phase.  Wayne would be home a few months, then back on a med. cruise for 6 or 7 months.  When he came home, we had another honeymoon!  He went on two med. cruises while he was in the Navy.  The second cruise was 7 months long, but the Navy set up a charter plane for Navy wives (and children) to be able to fly to Greece to meet their long-missed husbands.  It was an experience I will never forget.  You have to imagine someone who is afraid to fly in the first place, then think about flying on a propeller plane over the ocean to the other side of the world!  YES, I said propeller.  The plane was filled with women and children.  By the time we landed in Greece, the plane had caught on fire!!  We didn't know until it landed, Thank You God!  I  hated the thought of flying back home, but knew there would be no other way.  Our time in Greece was fabulous!  We only had about a week if I remember right, but it was our real honeymoon that we never had.

We loved our room we had in Greece!  Here Wayne is sitting on the balcony railing.  

We had such a great time!  We rented a motorcycle (shared).  I sat on the back.  I had never been on a motorcycle before so you can imagine what happened when we were stopped at a light and he took off!  Yep!  I fell and was sitting on the road!  Here are some scrapbook layouts I made to show some of the beautiful scenery we enjoyed!

 

This is a good memory!

We stayed in Florida for a time after Wayne was discharged from the Navy in 1971.  We wanted to have children but in the beginning, we were worried we wouldn't be blessed with child.  Just as we were going to start tests to find out what was wrong, I got pregnant!!  At first we were going to stay in Florida, but we decided to move back home, to my hometown, in Rhode Island.  I had names picked out, Cory if a boy and Michelle if a girl, but then my friend next door had a baby girl, called her Michelle, so I thought I couldn't  name my baby that, so decided on Lanette.  Then we decided to move back home.  Wayne drove our Oldsmobile convertible loaded with 2 dogs, 3 pups, and a very pregnant wife!  We lived with my parents for about 3 months and then moved into a third floor apartment.  Everyone told me I was having a boy.  Back then, there were no ultrasounds that could determine sex.  I was certain this baby was a boy.  When the time came, two weeks after my due date, we had a bouncing, kicking, and screaming baby girl on April 28, 1973!!  I was so surprised and delighted!  I had no idea how I would take care of a boy baby anyway!  Overwhelmed is saying it lightly.  Suddenly I realized how important it was to do the right thing for this new life in my arms.  The responsibilities of being a parent enveloped me and I was determined to be the best Mom I could be!  Oh, and we named her Michelle Lynn!  

A photographer came to our house to take this picture.  

I stayed out of work until Michelle turned 2 and then went back to work.  I worked in an accounting firm as a statistical typist and proofreader.  I also had experience in the same firm in Florida along with banking experience prior to that. 

Thoughts of Yesterday, What Was to Be, Part 2

One thing I noticed about Wayne earlier in our marriage is that he couldn't read.  He could read but not very well.  I determined he must be dyslexic.  He had all the signs of someone with dyslexia.  I would have to read him instructions for something he was putting together, for example.  We never talked about his getting help because it didn't affect his work since he always used his hands and was good at it.  His last job he worked as a maintenance person at a automotive shop for about 30 years.  Too bad they didn't have a retirement package.  And, I never told anyone about that, not even our own kids as they were growing up.  I may have mentioned it since they became adults.  Wayne had some report cards from when he was a kid (elementary school) and it was obvious to me he had problems then but back then I don't think dyslexia was something the medical system knew about.  Because of this, it makes it hard for Wayne to do things on a computer for example.  You have to be able to read for almost anything you do.  He was lucky in that he was good with his hands and could get jobs in a mechanical field.  Even when he was in the U.S. Navy, he worked in hydraulics, and he was classified Machinist Mate.

We met in Rhode Island where I grew up and he was stationed nearby in Quonset Point, RI.  I use to go to a club for teenagers (no alcohol) called "The Girls City Club".  It was run by an older lady.  There was a live band there on weekends and dancing, along with hot chocolate and some cookies.  Some people that went to the club would help out with duties, such as making the hot chocolate.  All the sailors would go there and this is how I met Wayne.  He kept following me around the dance floor and I wasn't too keen on him then.  My best friend at the time, Joy Anne, said to me one day "Why don't you give him a chance, maybe you will even like him?"  so I did.  He asked me out.  He was one to brag a lot and I found out fairly quickly not to believe everything he said.  But he had a nice personality, we ended up getting engaged, and he finally took me to meet his parents and siblings.  I was very shy and think his mother didn't like me at first.  We drove from Rhode Island to Michigan.  I ended up flying home because he had to go on to his new ship he was assigned to in Mayport, FL.   All the way home I cried.  I think it was two-part.  One because I had never flown before and two because we were being separated.

Not too long after that, I ended up sending Wayne a letter to let him know I was coming to Florida.  I told him I would not live with him but wanted to be there for him.  Before that even happened, we decided it was best to get married.  So on July 11, 1969, we married.  It was not a formal wedding.  I did not have a "wedding gown" but to this day wish I had at least taken a picture.  It was an empire mini dress and it puffed out right under the bust line.  We were married in a church, but not the Catholic church because we couldn't get a priest to ok it.  Instead we were married in a congregational church by a minister.  We used his daughter's vows she and her fiance wrote.  During the whole ceremony, we both laughed.  I think we were both nervous.  My parents took us out to dinner and then our honeymoon began at a local motel.  

When I called my work to tell them I was leaving to go to Florida soon, they all thought I was pregnant.  Years later when we moved back to Rhode Island and I filled in there for a bit when they needed someone, they were all surprised that we didn't have any children.  

While we lived in Florida, it was the first time I had been away from home and on my own.  I was definitely ready for that.  Even when Wayne went on his 6 month mediterranean cruises with his ship, The USS Franklin D. Roosevelt (CV 42)  aircraft carrier, I remained in Florida.  Wayne went on two med. cruises but I told him if he re-enlisted, I would not be happy.  Prior to our getting married, Wayne was attached to the USS Essex (CV 9) which was stationed in Quonset Point, RI.  The Essex  was the prime recovery carrier for the Apollo 7 mission.  She recovered the Apollo 7's crew on the 22nd of October 1968 after a splashdown north of Puerto Rico.  Wayne was transferred to the USS Franklin D. Roosevelt (CF 42) after the Essex was decommissioned.

Look for Thoughts of Yesterday, What was to Be, Part 3 - coming soon

Thoughts of Yesterday, What Was to Be, Part 1

We were married July 11, 1969.

Lately, thoughts have penetrated my mind about the last few years, and what came before that and what has happened since-a nightmare, from disability to a diagnosis of Dementia (Alzheimer's/Parkinson's).

My husband, Wayne, before he became disabled in May 2010, would work 6 or 7 days a week, and still coach football or baseball, or referee or umpire.  He would stop at the grocery store on the way home from work for needed dinner items.  On weekdays, dinner would be on the table when I arrived home from working in the office all day.  He loved to cook and he did very well with that.  If I needed assistance, he was there maybe not immediately, but eventually.  Maybe it was digging a large hole for a new bush in the garden or helping me hang curtains.  He had a large tool box and knew what every tool was for.  A very loving husband and father, all he cared about was making a good life for his family. He (we) was very active in our children's lives, whether it be coaching them baseball or football, or attending cheer leading practices or our daughter's high school band competitions.

Then came the nightmare that started on May 4, 2010, when he had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery.  He had a herniated disc in his lower back, in the saddle area.  After the surgery, the doctor explained that he now has Cauda Equina Syndrome, which leaves the patient with no balance and he was also left incontinent, both bowels and bladder.  He would not be able to walk and would need a wheelchair.  Afterward, physical therapy was ordered.  He had another surgery in hopes it would open up some freedom and allow him to walk, and again physical therapy was ordered.  To no avail, although physical therapy went as well as it could go, he still was unable to walk or go to the bathroom on his own.

It was necessary to find a new home since Wayne could not get up or down the stairs in our tri-level house.  Time was of the essence since he would be released from the hospital in days.  So, I took it upon myself to look for a one-floor home.  I didn't think he would be able to get into an apartment, on a first floor, with easy access, so I decided on a manufactured home in a mobile home community.  If you can imagine the adjustment it took once we moved in when we had lived in our other home for about 30 years.  Besides, a ramp had to be built and after many calls to charities to help, it was determined the ramp could not be installed within days.  At that point, it was decided that I would buy all the materials and family would install the ramp.  Thank God for family.  I was pretty frantic during that time because I knew Wayne couldn't get into the home until the ramp was built.  But it finally was built.

Wayne came home with a good attitude, looking forward to his being able to walk in the future.  The problem was because he didn't have balance, I could not have him use a walker without taking the chance if he fell, that I would fall too.  So the walker was set aside.  Then there was the problem of his having to be catheterized every few hours so he really couldn't go with someone unless they were educated in how to do that.

Time went on and fast forward to June 2011.  Wayne had been getting medical care through the Veterans Administration Hospital in Detroit, Michigan.  He had an appointment with a Neurologist.  I was concerned he might have Alzheimer's for a few reasons.  After surgery, Wayne had hallucinations and was confused.  The doctor said that sometimes happens after surgery, so I let it go in hopes he was correct.  But looking back to when he was coaching kids' football when our grandsons were Freshman players in 2008, a time came when he was fired from the team because he wasn't making good decisions.  This is very unlike Wayne since the prior year when he was assistant coach to a Varsity team, his team went to championship and won and was given the Head Coach of the Freshman team for the next year.  He coached all 3 of our sons both baseball and football.  He was very good at what he did.  I was so proud of him.  When he was in high school, he competed  in swimming  and swam the butterfly and went to State and won awards that had not been surpassed for many many years.  It is just so sad to know this once strong and athletic man is now reduced to sitting in a chair, transferring from chair to bed, to couch, to car and back.  When we were very young and just had our first child, a baby girl, we moved into a third floor apartment.  He carried a refrigerator on his back up two flights of stairs!