Thoughts of Yesterday, What Was to Be, Part 1

We were married July 11, 1969.

Lately, thoughts have penetrated my mind about the last few years, and what came before that and what has happened since-a nightmare, from disability to a diagnosis of Dementia (Alzheimer's/Parkinson's).

My husband, Wayne, before he became disabled in May 2010, would work 6 or 7 days a week, and still coach football or baseball, or referee or umpire.  He would stop at the grocery store on the way home from work for needed dinner items.  On weekdays, dinner would be on the table when I arrived home from working in the office all day.  He loved to cook and he did very well with that.  If I needed assistance, he was there maybe not immediately, but eventually.  Maybe it was digging a large hole for a new bush in the garden or helping me hang curtains.  He had a large tool box and knew what every tool was for.  A very loving husband and father, all he cared about was making a good life for his family. He (we) was very active in our children's lives, whether it be coaching them baseball or football, or attending cheer leading practices or our daughter's high school band competitions.

Then came the nightmare that started on May 4, 2010, when he had to be rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery.  He had a herniated disc in his lower back, in the saddle area.  After the surgery, the doctor explained that he now has Cauda Equina Syndrome, which leaves the patient with no balance and he was also left incontinent, both bowels and bladder.  He would not be able to walk and would need a wheelchair.  Afterward, physical therapy was ordered.  He had another surgery in hopes it would open up some freedom and allow him to walk, and again physical therapy was ordered.  To no avail, although physical therapy went as well as it could go, he still was unable to walk or go to the bathroom on his own.

It was necessary to find a new home since Wayne could not get up or down the stairs in our tri-level house.  Time was of the essence since he would be released from the hospital in days.  So, I took it upon myself to look for a one-floor home.  I didn't think he would be able to get into an apartment, on a first floor, with easy access, so I decided on a manufactured home in a mobile home community.  If you can imagine the adjustment it took once we moved in when we had lived in our other home for about 30 years.  Besides, a ramp had to be built and after many calls to charities to help, it was determined the ramp could not be installed within days.  At that point, it was decided that I would buy all the materials and family would install the ramp.  Thank God for family.  I was pretty frantic during that time because I knew Wayne couldn't get into the home until the ramp was built.  But it finally was built.

Wayne came home with a good attitude, looking forward to his being able to walk in the future.  The problem was because he didn't have balance, I could not have him use a walker without taking the chance if he fell, that I would fall too.  So the walker was set aside.  Then there was the problem of his having to be catheterized every few hours so he really couldn't go with someone unless they were educated in how to do that.

Time went on and fast forward to June 2011.  Wayne had been getting medical care through the Veterans Administration Hospital in Detroit, Michigan.  He had an appointment with a Neurologist.  I was concerned he might have Alzheimer's for a few reasons.  After surgery, Wayne had hallucinations and was confused.  The doctor said that sometimes happens after surgery, so I let it go in hopes he was correct.  But looking back to when he was coaching kids' football when our grandsons were Freshman players in 2008, a time came when he was fired from the team because he wasn't making good decisions.  This is very unlike Wayne since the prior year when he was assistant coach to a Varsity team, his team went to championship and won and was given the Head Coach of the Freshman team for the next year.  He coached all 3 of our sons both baseball and football.  He was very good at what he did.  I was so proud of him.  When he was in high school, he competed  in swimming  and swam the butterfly and went to State and won awards that had not been surpassed for many many years.  It is just so sad to know this once strong and athletic man is now reduced to sitting in a chair, transferring from chair to bed, to couch, to car and back.  When we were very young and just had our first child, a baby girl, we moved into a third floor apartment.  He carried a refrigerator on his back up two flights of stairs!